The Doctors Wife
by Hattie Laraway
Summary: The TARDIS takes him somewhere he didnt want to go. Somewhere he needed to go. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. Yet.**

'River, River, River, more than a friend i think.'

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><p>He stands alone. As close to the heart of the TARDIS as he can get, pressing himself to the console. Greif rips through him. He grips a red leaver tightly, trying to stop the shaking as a tear falls to the floor. The engine grates rhythmically, trying to sooth him, but the sound of it is so very similar to breathing it only makes him cry more. And now he's sobbing, wanting to be held by warmth and human, wishing he wasn't alone in this big blue box.<p>

He doesn't want to leave Amy. He doesn't want to leave Rory. He doesn't want to die. He wants to run far away and forever, like he's done all his life. He wants to run from death and save the universe with his best friends. He doesn't want to die.

He wants to be with people, he wants to be in a room full of people, where he can watch happiness. He doesn't want to be alone, but he doesn't want to be with anyone, either.

As if responding to his thoughts, the TARDIS starts to whir, he can feel the universe moving around him silently, a never ending pool of life and death and worship tied together with the strings of time.

It stopped. He opened the door, looking out. _He didn't want to be here_. He couldn't bear the guilt.

She stood there, her face was slightly wrinkled, her hair was tied back, a few loose curls sprung out at odd angles. She was dressed in black. Seeing his face she ran to him, wrapping herself around him. _Knowing._ He pressed his face against her chest, a sob rippled through his body. She held him closer, whispering.

'Hush now, my love.'

He felt the anger and pain building up inside him again, like before in the hotel. This anger was new to him, new to this version; he wasn't sure how to control it yet.

'I didn't save them. I can't save everyone. People keep dying. Too many. I don't- I won't- I can't-' He looked into her eyes; she placed a finger to his lips.

'You saved me, from becoming the killer I was trained to be.' She whispered.

'I die, River. I die. I don't want to, I don't want to die. I don't.'

'I know.' And that's all she needs to say to him, two words.

And with those two words fresh from her lips he kisses them.

This time it's different, it's not like before. It's a sad kiss, a celebration of two lives that cross over one another. A kiss that makes his head spin and for one moment he wonders if she's poisoned him again because he never believed in kissing until this moment. He's oblivious to the world and so is she, his arms run up her back and through her hair and nothing else matters as she is the brightest thing in the room and all he can see. The kiss is so raw, so new, nothing he has ever experienced before and although he can barely breathe he knows this is everything; because it's so real and so human and so _alive_. He presses himself closer to her, needing her. They stop kissing and for a while their lips linger against one another.

He looks into her eyes and sees something reflected in his own that wasn't there before, something he can't quite place until they kiss again and he realises what the word is he's been seeking. He can't quite believe it and he can't say it because he's too dumbstruck by this new kiss. He keeps kissing her, their mouths open slightly now, and as their tongues touch he feels time slow to a halt; two Time Lords in perfect unison.

They break apart once more and he can feel time rushing to catch up with them- and then there it is again, the dizzy feeling of kissing, of time rushing forward- and of that word he can't quite bring himself to say just yet. So they kiss again.

This time there's heat and fire, a burning in his two hearts that he knows she feels too. It's more than lust. His eyes are closed and all he can smell is heat, all he can feel is the curls in her hair, her tingling skin and her supple lips. This is when he realises that he no longer needs to see. But when he does his eyes find his shirt undone, his bowtie and jacket on the floor either side of him. For a moment he wonders when he lost them, but when he returns his gaze to her flushed face he realises it is as irrelevant as everything else in the universe.

She smiles at him and once again he can see that look in her eye, the emotion he can feel bubbling up from somewhere deep inside him, the one that's making him grin stupidly as he does now, wrapping his arms around her bare waist.

He looks at her eyes, her nose, her lips and he can feel it again, the bubbling. Bubbling up through from the pit of his core right up to his throat and suddenly he can't hold it in anymore but he can't say it either and he chokes on his words.

'I- River- I- I-you- I-' He scratches his face; she stops him with a small kiss which tells him he doesn't have to say it because she already knows. But he does because he feels like if he doesn't say it he will explode or die.

'I love you.' He finishes. For a moment he stands awkwardly, unsure how to hold himself or where to look. She takes his chin and brings his face round slightly, so it's facing her. They kiss for the final time.

The bubbling feeling returns, but now it's flowing through his veins like white hot ice and he can feel himself changing, becoming someone he's always been, it's like regeneration but at the same time it's so much more. Now he knows who he is, now he knows who he will be, and who he's always been.

Now he knows he's not going to die just yet. He's still got time. He's going to make it count. He's going to say goodbye. To everyone. And he's taking her with him now, because now he can't live a moment without her.

They stand in the TARDIS, two Time Lords at the peak of existence. The engine hums quietly, the breaks are on.

_She always took him where he needed to go._

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed :)<strong>


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